On May 1 I was informed that I have adenocarcinoma. It is in both lungs, prmarily the left. It is diffuse and spread widely enough that neither surgery nor radiation are viable treatments. There are two types of this cancer. Chemotherapy can slow its spread, but only has a 30% - 40% chance of response in one type, and 10% - 20% in the other. If the chemo were effective, it could prolong my life expectancy from 12 to 18 months. Untreated, the average life expectancy at this point is 6 months. My oncologist is currently working with radiology to try to identify which type it is.
The symptoms are dry coughs and constricted breathing. I am currently treating the former with a fairly effective cough suppressant, and the latter with an inhaler. My lack of breath makes all walking difficult, and I will begin using oxygen soon.
I am discovering that I have an astonishingly broad range of support among my friends, colleagues, and former students. I cannot overstate how powerfully this affects me -- how it motivates me to investigate possible alternative treatments, and keep at it. I am overwhelmed by encouragement, compassion, and love.
I seem to have skipped all four of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's well-known stages of dealing with this type of information. While I acknowledge my condition and the probabilities associated with it, I am also pursuing the resources suggested to me by all of you. Through this blog, set up by my friend Paul Babin, and the others set up by Richard Badenhausen, we will be able to communicate and coordinate our ideas.
More later. For now, thank you and bless you all.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
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I live in Santa Monica, but this week I'm working in Miami on a pro-bono project for Anthony Shriver's non-profit, Best Buddies International. BBI has offices across the world that work in middle schools, high schools and colleges to match young people who have emotional and intellectual disabilities with Buddies. Buddies become their friends; usually the first friends they've had in their lives.
ReplyDeleteI understood the mission on an emotional level when a staff person asked me to think of how important friends have been in my own life. They have been my emotional support during sadness and sorrow ... they have been my physical support during illness ... they have laughed with me, at me, and made me laugh. They mirror me, reflecting my joys ... and they challenge me, causing me to reflect and grow (damn it! :-). And if we're lucky, we have found true friends who know and love us as we really are: flawed, passionate, selfish, unselfish, incredibly annoying or not, and a joy to be with.
Friends shake our soul ... and we shake theirs.
Doug is such a person.
I am lucky Doug is in my life; I am lucky he is my friend.
And with Doug and all who love him, we'll get him through this!
With love,
Genette
Talking with Doug as he goes through these days, I reflect on my own life. I wonder what it has been about, where it is going, things I have found, things I have lost ... and I realize that through my reflections, Doug is still teaching. And what have I learned? I have learned that my personal journey is about learning how to love, how not to allow the fear of loss of love to stop me from opening my heart. I've learned, on my own journey, love is everything. Thank you, Doug, for more lessons.
ReplyDeleteGenette
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLbarC63q74
Love Is Everything
Artist: Jane Siberry
Maybe it was to learn how to love
Maybe it was to learn how to leave
Maybe it was for the games we played
Maybe it was to learn how to choose
Maybe it was to learn how to lose
Maybe it was for the love we made
Love is everything they said it would be love made sweet and sad the same
But love forgot to make me too blind to see
You’re chickening out aren’t you?
You’re bangin` on the beach like an old tin drum
I cant wait `til you make
The whole kingdom come
So I’m leaving
Maybe it was to learn how to fight
Maybe it was for the lesson in pride
Maybe it was the cowboys` ways
Maybe it was to learn not to lie
Maybe it was to learn how to cry
Maybe it was for the love we made
Love is everything they said it would be
Love did not hold back the reins
But love forgot to make me too blind to see
You’re chickening out aren’t you?
You’re bangin` on the beach like an old tin drum
I cant wait `til you make
The whole kingdom come
So I’m leaving first he turns to you
Then he turns to her
So you try to hurt him back
But it breaks your body down
So you try to love bigger
Bigger still
But it...it’s too late
So take a lesson from the strangeness you feel
And know you’ll never be the same
And find it in your heart to kneel down and say
I gave my love didn’t I?
And I gave it big...sometimes
And I gave it in my own sweet time
I’m just leaving
Love is everything...
Love is everything...
I took one of your classes and we never developed anything of a relationship outside of student-teacher, but, despite my deadpan look, I enjoyed you, your class, and the atmosphere you carry with you...your a good guy. Someone posted lyrics to a Jane Siberry tune up there; I like her melancholy song "It Can't Rain All the Time."
ReplyDelete-chris.warr.